Schoolyard Content - Tips and Advice: Handling Anger
by Wai Chong Mak
FeedTheVillage.com - Tips and Advice: Handling Anger
Modern psychologists view anger as a primary, natural and even mature emotion experienced by all humans at times, something that has functional value for survival. Anger can mobilize psychological resources for corrective action. Uncontrolled anger can however negatively affect personal or social well-being. Most children will have reactive feelings (such as punching others) when they are angry. They may not know how to distinguish anger and action. What is the difference between acting out and acting upon feelings? Acting out a feeling Acting out a feeling means a child does what he or she feels like doing when he or she is angry. When a child is irritated with someone, he or she feels like hurting that person and thus acts out that feeling angrily and destructively towards that person. For example, a boy punching a classmate for taking his pencil case without permission is an example of acting out his feeling. It is reacting. Acting upon a feeling Acting upon a feeling means a child listens to the meaning of that feeling. He or she tries to understand what it is revealing to him or her about himself or herself before making a conscious decision of what to do about it. He or she learns from the feeling rather than simply be driven by it. For instance, if the boy mentioned in example can stop to think and understand why he is angry, he may choose to tell his classmate that it is disrespectful of him to have taken his pencil case without his permission. When he understands his emotion and calms down himself, he is able to think about a proper way to handle his problems. After thinking, he chose to talk to his classmate about how angry he was when his pencil case was taken away without permission. With the capacity to calm down, think, talk about it, it helps him to solve his problem without aggression. Parents need to accept the anger feeling of the child first. Then, they set a safe boundary for anger expression. When a child is angry, he or she cannot hurt himself or herself, others or environment. After establishing the safe boundary, parents guide the child to pause for a while and think about his emotion and action, and support him or her to act upon his or her feeling. When a child is able distinguish feeling and action, he or she will be able to problem solve and cope better with his or her emotion. Disclaimers: The author shares this article based on her personal and work experience and disclaims any responsibility for any liability, losses or damages and /or application of any of contents of this article. About the Author Ms Mak Wai Chong, a mother of 3 children, is a freelance trainer and counselor. She has worked as social worker and counselor for 17 years.
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