Schoolyard - Parenting - Tips and Advice: Fighting with Siblings
by Shawnee Bowlin
FeedTheVillage.com - Tips and Advice: Fighting with Siblings
I have remarkable children. I know...I'm a mom. Moms are supposed to say things like that. But seriously! My son is 22. My daughter is 14. They've never fought. They don't argue unless it's in fun. He has been a wonderful big brother, and she thinks the sun rises and sets on him. How many families have children who don't fight? I consider myself very blessed indeed! I remember growing up, my brother and I were only 2 years apart. We fought like cats and dogs. We still can't be around each other for long without getting into a disagreement of some sort. I was not a good big sister, but what do you expect when the kid stole my barbies and hid their clothes? He stole my candy bars and put Hot Wheels in their place. If I tried to play with him, he'd tell me how I had to play. He'd get spanked for not doing his chores, but I'd still be the one who had to do them because he hadn't. When he was a toddler, he'd climb into my bed in the middle of the night and pee because he'd already wet his bed. Of course, I didn't have the health issues he had growing up either. I could have been a little nicer. Okay, I could have been a lot nicer. But hindsight is always better than foresight. I still repeat that regularly whenever I feel guilty about something I've said about him that isn't nice. Adults who can't get along and act like children, by the way, make a bad example for other children they are around. Is that an issue for your family? Do you constantly tell your children how to "not" act when in fact you do the very same things wrong when with or towards your own siblings? My brother and I no longer fist fight, of course. We stopped that after the last time our grandmother got between us and told us we'd have to go through her to get to each other. Boy, Grandmas sure know how to deflate the balloons! There was no way I was hitting my grandmother. I could tell my brother was considering if it would be worth it, though. Seriously, we had also gotten so big as to be able to do serious physical damage to each other. We were older and tougher; and we were both stubborn and hot-headed (at least we were when it came to each other). So, parents beware. If your own relationship with your siblings is immature, you may want to reconsider how you act with them when you are around children you could easily influence. How can I say that when my own children were not influenced? I can say that because my brother and I have very little face-to-face contact. When we were old enough to leave the nest, we pretty much stayed away from each other because of circumstances. It wasn't intentional. Our lives just took us in different directions. But that might be a good thing for my children's sake. It would be sad for them to see how I allow my brother to bring out the immature child in me!
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